The Gristle

Friday 6:30pm - 7:00pm

Captain Belligerent… has a reputation for tackling cab drivers but claims that they started it. The one on the show with a radio voice and the ability to work the bright buttons, he is the on air producer and asks most of the questions. He has not been sunburnt for years and is therefore a ‘greenhouse’ sceptic. Inspired by Bjorn Lomborg, he decided to drive through Campsie and now claims to be an expert on Middle East culture. His favourite political death was Billy McMahon’s.

Cute Boy… claims that he is Tony Abbott’s son but is awaiting the DNA results. Though the brains of the show, he is from a non-English speaking background and cannot spell or speak good. Once arrested for brawling outside a Bondi night club, he was never charged after police inquiries and is therefore perfectly placed to discuss the federal government’s position on the delicate balance between an interrogation and ‘being questioned’. His favourite colour is yellow.

Crossword Girl… is the real brains behind the show but has a soft spot for Cute Boy and lets him get away with it. Though struggling with cryptic crosswords, she has a unique way of seeing through the political fog. As a result, she understands that ‘being the deputy sheriff’ means that Australia wants a free trade agreement and, ‘protecting the sanctity of the life of the unborn child’ means that it’s OK to illegally bomb Iraq. Her favourite recent purchase is a pair of fishnet stockings.