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Life According to Tony-Twonames Episode 5

We’re storytellers at 2SER. It’s in our DNA. Recently, we’ve taken to the tale of Tony-Twonames, a scrappy terrier from the western suburbs of Sydney who found himself hurtled into a whole new life in Double Bay.  Who doesn’t love a good reinvention story?

Each week, we follow the adventures of Tony as he navigates his new world, from the prim and proper poodles of Double Bay to the curious conundrum that is his new family.


Brie is best.

Just because I live in an apartment in Double Bay, doesn’t mean I forget where I come from. I’ll always be a Westie, western suburbs that is. I’m a cairn terrier cross.

I know I’ve been complaining a bit, but truth be told, the move hasn’t been all bad. My palate has definitely expanded. Jeepers! So too has my vocabulary.

I’ve discovered I love a good cheese platter. Whenever strangers come over, rather than sniffing each other’s butts, humans share food?! How messed up is that?

Anyway, when they first arrive, they sit in the lounge, drink, and share a big plate with cheese, meat, crackers and olives. The olives they can have. Nasty little nuggets with a seed in the middle. The crackers are OK but the meat and cheese! That stuff is the goods.

The first time a cheese plate came out I sat and waited. Thought for sure the woman would slip me something. She does when it’s just the two of us. But no deal. No sneaky little morsels so I played the long game. I waited and waited and waited some more. Eventually they got up from the lounge and went to the table. The left it there so I assumed it was for me. The coffee table is nice and low so it was an easy jump.

I gave the olives a lick, bit into one and almost broke a tooth. I had a couple of crackers but didn’t want to fill up on carbs. The meat and the cheese were the main event. The meat went down a treat but the half wheel of brie; that took some work. It’s creamy, gluggy goodness. I could almost feel my arteries hardening as a scoffed it down.

She came back in when I still had a quarter to go. I don’t blame her for screaming, she was probably coming back for another piece, but you snooze, you lose lady. We locked eyes, she lunged, I gulped, job done. I’ll spare you the details but my digestive system was pretty diabolical for the next few days.

They don’t leave cheese plates around much anymore so my brie consumption has declined. Except when it’s just the lady and me, she slips me the odd piece.

Just because I live in an apartment in Double Bay, doesn’t mean I forget where I come from. I’ll always be a Westie, western suburbs that is. I’m a cairn terrier cross.

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